Clinging to Jesus Christ During Grief & Loss

Remembering My Dear Friend, Marie

This past week has been a journey of deep emotion and reflection. My dear friend, whom I’ve known for 40 years, was at the final stages of her battle with cancer. I last saw her on Tuesday, July 29, 2005, and in the weeks leading up to her passing, I watched as she rapidly declined. Her body, once full of life, was now fragile, and she began to experience confusion and hallucinations.

One moment, she called out to me from the bathroom, speaking in words I couldn’t understand. As I stepped in to check on her, she lost her balance and fell. By God’s grace, I was there to catch her before she could hurt herself. In that moment, I knew it would be the last time I would see her on this side of eternity.

My dear friend’s life was one marked by hardship and pain, more than anyone I know. From childhood into her twenties, the emotional, physical, and mental struggles she endured are beyond comprehension. Her mother, too, suffered under the same abusive hand, and the torment didn’t stop until the abuser's death.

We met almost 40 years ago at a local bar. Though I can’t recall the exact moment, I remember her twin sister, and we shared mutual friends. In 1992, I gave my life to Christ, and soon after, I left behind that old world of bars, parties, and substances. I lost touch with my friend during that time, but God, in His perfect timing, brought our paths together again. Though I can't recall the specifics, it felt like He had orchestrated everything. She was divorced and raising two young daughters—around the same age as my own—and as we reconnected, we began discussing matters of faith, God, and Jesus. I gave her a Bible, and we shared many conversations as she wrestled with fear, pain, and uncertainty. I walked with her through financial struggles, college challenges, and raising her girls with a love that was nothing short of fierce. Though we moved to the country and we lost touch.

Reconnecting and Discovering Her Cancer

After a few years, God placed her back on my heart. The phone number I had for her no longer worked, but through prayer and a bit of searching, I found her daughters on social media. They gave me new contact details, and after much waiting and hoping, we finally reconnected.

We eventually sold our hobby farm and moved back to the city, and I was once again close enough to visit her regularly. In April 2024, my dear friend was diagnosed with cancer for the third time. The news was devastating, and we spent significant time together that year. We had the deepest, most honest conversations about God, about life, and about her struggles. We talked through questions about faith, her past, and her doubts, and I prayed before each visit, text, and phone call, asking the Holy Spirit to guide us.

In April 2025, her health took a sudden turn for the worse, and she was rushed to the hospital. She never returned home. Our conversations about Jesus grew even more profound in her final days, and I prayed that she would not give up on life before He called her home. One night, I stayed with her in palliative care, sitting beside her as she dozed in and out of sleep. She woke in the night, whispering an apology. I gently asked, "Who are you sorry to?" She replied, "God." She then listed the sins she could remember.

It was three weeks before she passed, but I reassured her that Jesus had forgiven her. The relief in her eyes was palpable, and that night, for the first time in weeks, she slept in peace. Praise Jesus Christ.

Emotional Whirlwind

And then, just this past week, we found ourselves in another emotional whirlwind. Our daughter was undergoing reconstructive jaw surgery in another city, about 2 ½ hours away. Her recovery was more painful than expected, and as she dealt with excessive swelling and discomfort, my focus was entirely on her. On Sunday morning in the hotel room, I woke around 1:15 a.m. to a text from my friend’s daughter. Her mother had passed away, just moments before.

Losing a loved one is never easy, and despite having experienced grief before—losing friends, grandparents, my father-in-law, my biological father, and even pets—nothing can truly prepare you for the depth of loss of a loved one. My husband returned home to care for things, but my daughter asked me to stay while she was in the hospital and return home with them until she was more stable. In all of the chaos of helping her, I hadn’t yet fully processed the loss of my friend.

Then, sitting outside her townhouse, I found myself scrolling through old text messages between my friend and me. I noticed her name was still in my contacts. I couldn’t bring myself to delete it. If I did, I’d lose all those precious conversations we’d shared. And so, the tears came—tears of grief that had been building, unnoticed, as I’d been focused on other things. The ache in my heart was undeniable, and I wept, gasping for air. But by God’s grace, I was able to pull myself together and return inside to help my daughter.

The weight of grief, however, was still pressing down on me. Another moment came later, when I found myself overwhelmed with sorrow while caring for my daughter. I stepped out onto the deck, needing space—physical space, quiet space, open space, like a wide meadow. But the view from the deck was of a shopping mall, a reminder that I felt trapped, in the grief itself.

As our daughter’s swelling and pain slowly began to subside, I knew I had promised to stay with her until Friday. On Friday, on the drive back home, I found myself gazing across miles of open fields. I longed for an open meadow, to run and run with the wind in my face, raising my arms to Jesus, and weeping all the while. I didn’t get to do that. But I did make it home, and the tears flowed again.

Jesus Heals Emotional Wounds

My grief also carries with it years of my own wounds—years of abuse, rejection by my mother, father, stepfather, and others. It is only by laying all of this at Jesus’ feet that I can begin to heal. Only through Christ can the deepest wounds of the heart find true restoration.

Because of Jesus, I have been able to forgive my mother—a forgiveness that once seemed impossible. I can now speak of her without tears, praying for her salvation, even though I don't know whether she is still alive. Years of grief and prayers poured out to Jesus have set me free from the chains of bitterness and regret.

Declaring Truth and Surrendering Emotions

I may not get to run through the meadow, but I have something far greater. I have Jesus Christ, and I can be messy and broken in His presence, pouring out the deepest aches of my heart for His healing touch. This healing is eternal, far more powerful than any fleeting moment in a meadow.

In closing, let me share this: Grieving is not the same as depression. People often confuse the two, but they are distinct.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, And whose hope is the Lord.

For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes;

But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought,

Nor will it cease from yielding fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7

Grieving is a natural process, and it doesn’t mean we are stuck in despair forever. It’s a journey of healing and surrender. Our emotions do not define who we are. When we say, "I am an anxious person," we are giving that emotion power over our true identity in Christ. Instead, we should declare, “Thank You, Jesus, for adopting me as Your child. I surrender this anxiety, this grief, this pain to You. I trust you Jesus Christ with my life and the life of my loved ones. Holy Spirit, reign in me. In the name of Jesus, Amen.” Take a deep breath, and walk forward with Him, who is in you, guiding you every step of the way.